Building a Royal House: Christian Marriage and Family Done God’s Way

Welcome to Royal House Chat — a place for real, deep conversation about marriage, family, dating, and raising children in today’s society. Here you’ll find Christian marriage advice, honest talk about what makes relationships work and what tears them apart, practical teaching on raising strong children, and straight commentary on the dating and family culture we’re living in right now. No narrative. No fake. Just the things I’ve learned over the years — and the things I’m still learning — backed up by facts.

Who I Am and Why I Built This House

When I was a young man, I wanted to be married. From elementary school on up, there was always that one girl I just knew was the best person, the best lady ever — and through middle school and high school I was already looking for the woman who would be my wife, the one I’d build a family with. I always wanted to be married. I always wanted to be a parent. So you can imagine how I felt when I finally got married at 33 years old. It was something I wanted to do before I died, and I was blessed to do it.

And it has been a nightmare.

As great as marriage can be, mine has been a nightmare — and through that nightmare, I’ve been able to see both sides. I’ve seen the greatness of marriage, family, and the church. And I’ve seen the fallacies of marriage, family, and the church. I’ve seen what our society — and yes, even the church — has done to men and women, and the mindsets that cause our personal, family, societal, and church failures.

I’m also a man who walks in the prophetic. God sends a prophet to correct problems — to say go back, do the things you used to do, be the people you used to be, and turn from your ways before worse things come. So God has sent me to say this: it doesn’t have to be like this. We can correct these problems. We can turn around. And even if it’s not the whole nation — how about we start with me?

That’s what the Royal House is all about. People with the courage to actually talk about the problems in our lives, our families, our churches, and our communities — and then do something about them.

The American Family Epidemic

In America we are watching an epidemic of broken relationships, broken families, and broken people. Teenagers in crisis. Single-parent households. Economic, mental, social, and spiritual distress. And here’s what I need you to catch: these things are all related — and the foundation of all of them is the home.

Don’t take my word for it. Look at the numbers:

• The U.S. has the highest rate of children in single-parent households in the world. According to Pew Research Center, roughly one in four American children lives with one parent — about three times the global average.
• Marriage itself is disappearing. The U.S. marriage rate has fallen by roughly 60% since the early 1970s, and CDC data shows around 4 in 10 first marriages still end in divorce.
• We stopped being fruitful. The American fertility rate sits near 1.6 births per woman — well below the 2.1 needed just to replace ourselves. People have stopped believing in family.
• The church is not exempt. By several measures, divorce among self-identified Christians tracks uncomfortably close to the national average — although couples who actively practice their faith together fare significantly better. That gap between saying and doing is exactly what we talk about here.
• Father absence is fuel on the fire. Children raised in father-absent homes face significantly higher risks of poverty, dropping out, incarceration, and teen pregnancy across decades of research. When I see a young person on the news wanted for violence, I see a family that broke down long before that moment.
• We are lonelier than ever. The U.S. Surgeon General declared loneliness a public health epidemic — comparing its health impact to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day. We were built for family, and we’re dying without it.

The Scriptural Foundation

Let me be clear: marriage is great. We champion it here — when it functions the way it was designed. A union between a man and a woman, not a place to use leverage as a weapon.

The Bible says two are better than one. It says when a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. Proverbs 31 shows us a man and a woman living together in harmony — and the woman is just as important as the man. Her children are happy and whole. They rise up and call her blessed. There is no competition between the man and the woman, because they understand something our culture has forgotten: they are successful when they love and serve each other.

That looks like different things at different times and in different situations. God is traditional, but He is not blind — He understands that every marriage and every home will not look the same. But we can never forget what God sees in the partnership between a man and a woman. This is the foundation of marriage. This is the foundation of the Royal House.

10 Things Your Marriage, Family, and Children Need to Prosper

This is the master list. Everything on this website flows out of these ten things — and I’ll be going deep on every one of them across the site. These aren’t theories. This is what sixteen years of marriage, fatherhood, business, ministry, and hard-won lessons have taught me.

1. Unity

What I’ve found over sixteen years of marriage and raising my son is simple: you cannot do it alone. You cannot be married alone, and you cannot parent alone. Now that might sound like “duh” — but trust me, unity is not easy to achieve. And here’s what I know: the anointing comes where there is unity. Where two or three are gathered for the same goal, something powerful happens. Researchers who study marriage keep landing on the same finding — it’s not the absence of conflict that predicts a lasting marriage, it’s whether the couple faces problems as a team or as opponents. A house divided against itself will fall. A house unified can withstand anything.

2. Vision & Goals

You need a vision of what you want before you get married — hopefully before you have children, hopefully before you build a family. Before anyone builds a skyscraper, they see it first. Before anyone builds a great business or a great ministry, they see it first. You wouldn’t buy a car or a house without a plan — yet people walk into marriage and parenthood every day without being intentional. The old saying is true: if you don’t plan to succeed, you have a plan to fail.

And goals are the end of the vision. The vision lets you see the road; the goals are the destination once you put your shoes on and start walking. When I was single and dating, one of the first questions we asked was, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” We asked because vision and goals matter. And this is where unity comes back in — when your vision and your goals are shared, now we’re together. You can’t divide us. Nothing can separate us. Vision is what carries you through the cloudy days, the rainy days, the hard days: I know exactly what I want, I know exactly where I’m going, and nothing is going to keep me from what I see and believe in my heart. Sometimes people carry the wrong vision of marriage and family into the house — and that’s what needs correcting, with the help of God and the help of others.

3. Discipline

Discipline is a word we don’t use much anymore — even in church, where we had twelve disciples. Everything today is casual, everything is comfort, everything is “let me do it my way.” But as a businessman, I can’t succeed without discipline. As a father, I can’t succeed without discipline. As a husband, same thing. So how do you expect a better family, a better marriage, and children who are cared for, respectful, and growing into good citizens — the future husbands, wives, and leaders of the next generation — without teaching discipline? This is missing in our society. We make an excuse for everything and everyone. And that is a problem.

4. Hard Work

One thing is for sure: you’re going to need hard work to build a royal house. You cannot expect it to be easy, because we have an adversary — and his name is Satan. The thing he’d love most is to divide a man and a woman. And because many of us have already messed up areas of our lives — our credit, our health, our relationships — he already has a foothold. What he’d love even more is to destroy your children’s lives.

So we have to be constant workers. Constantly planting seeds. Constantly in the field. Constantly building something worthwhile — an asset. Because it’s hard, and we’re going to lose some battles, and we’ll be weak in some areas. That’s why one of your greatest assets has to be the simple fact that you are a hard worker. The enemy doesn’t stop. Neither can we.

5. Thanksgiving

Many marriages and families do not have thanksgiving — and here’s what I mean. People think they have a right to a good marriage, a good family, and good children. But you don’t have a right to those things. And when we think we have a right to something, we’re not thankful for it, because we don’t understand how blessed we are to have it.

Look at America. We’re so free that people aren’t thankful for freedom. In parts of the world you can find prosperity without freedom; in other parts, freedom without prosperity. In America we’ve had both at the same time — and people still aren’t thankful. And when you’re not thankful for a thing, you lose it.

It’s the same in our homes. If you’re thankful for your spouse, you’ll treat them well. If you’re thankful for your children, you’ll raise them right and never take them for granted. And gratitude isn’t just spiritual — it’s practical. Study after study on lasting marriages finds that expressed appreciation is one of the strongest predictors of satisfaction, and one prominent research finding holds that stable couples maintain about five positive interactions for every negative one. What’s missing in a lot of families — and I’m including the grandparents, uncles, aunts, and the church here — is the thanksgiving.

6. Love

This one seems obvious — but I want you to catch how I explain it. The Bible says God is love, so having God is important, and I’m not going to get too preachy here, because the moment I start on these topics I’m going to talk about God anyway. But I cannot leave love off this list just because it’s obvious. The very reason I built this website is not simply to help people with their marriages, relationships, children, and homes — it’s because the lack of love is what caused my own marriage to be unsuccessful and hindered my ability to raise my children the way I wanted to.

The Bible says that in the last days the love of many will grow cold. We are watching it happen. It’s unbelievable that a man like me could go through what I’ve gone through — largely through no fault of my own, trying my best — and still be fighting the same battles for sixteen years. Struggling for freedom. Struggling for stability. Struggling for sanity. Struggling for love.

But where there is love, there is compassion. Where there is love, there is understanding. Where there is love, there is truth — a foundation you can build on. Any problem can be fixed where there is love, because love brings humility, and a soft heart can change the atmosphere in any house, any community, any situation. With love comes forgiveness: I’m not going to hold a grudge against you, because I love you.

There was a group called Witness with a song called “Love Is an Action Word” — and love is indeed an action word. Do you know what love looks like? Love says: I know you have health and wellness problems, so I’m not going to stress you out. I know you fight mental illness, so I’m not going to put more on you. I know you’re trying to live right, so I’m not going to push you out toward temptation. You’re my spouse, and even though we’re having problems, I’m going to do whatever I can to love you. That’s what it’s all about.

First Corinthians tells us love is patient, love is kind, love is not selfish. Love is not trying to be seen or heard — love is trying to make a difference. Love sees a need, like Jesus saw in our sin, and asks: what can I do about it? The reason I’m standing here talking about all of these problems out in the open is that I’m trying to get some oxygen on issues people try to hide — to make these problems transparent so we can actually fix them. Because too many people who were able to help did not show love. They did not say, “This is a real problem — let me sacrifice something of myself to make sure somebody gets help.” Love does.

7. Passion

This is a good one right here. If you come into a marriage, or set out to build a family and raise children, and you’re not passionate about it — if you’re more passionate about politics than about being a good husband or a good wife — you’re in trouble. We’ve seen public officials from both parties, in Virginia and beyond, who seemed far more passionate about political office and making their names great than about their own wives, their own children, and their own houses. There’s enough blame to go around on every side.

We need to be so passionate about who we are, what we stand for, and what we want in life that the passion overrides even ourselves. That’s what Jesus showed us in the Passion of Christ. He was a King, but He didn’t come to be served — He came to serve, and He said the greatest among you will be the one who serves. His passion took Him all the way to the cross, and it also made Him great.

So the question is: do we have enough passion that when things get really bad — like they did in my marriage, my family, my situation — we keep fighting? We keep working to make things better, keep giving people the tools and information they need? I’m still here doing exactly that despite everything, and I’m looking for that same passion in the people around me.

And think about the high-profile couples we watch — entertainers, athletes, people with all the money in the world. Money will not keep them married. They’re going to need passion: a love for the other person that is greater than the love of self. You cannot love your status, or who you think you are, more than you love your marriage, your spouse, and your children. Passion is what carried me through two-mile runs in the military when my body wanted to quit. Passion is what gets you five, ten, fifteen more push-ups at muscle failure. And passion is what carries a marriage through the years when everything in you wants to quit.

8. Mentors

It is important to have a community of mentors. The Bible tells the older women to teach the younger women, and the pattern holds for men too. Elisha had Elijah. The disciples had Jesus. Abraham raised Isaac, Isaac raised Jacob, Jacob raised Joseph — mentorship is supposed to be passed down through the family, generation to generation.

But people aren’t doing that anymore. They’re too busy and too focused on themselves to mentor anybody, so the greatness of previous generations isn’t being passed down — and sometimes the children don’t even want to receive it. I told my wife from the beginning: our parents have good things and bad things. Let’s take the good from our parents and grandparents, and let’s improve on the bad. Mentorship — from family, from the church, from people further down the road — also forms your guardrails. When you know the right way because your mentor showed you, you know which roads not to take.

9. Growth

Don’t be the same person today that you were ten years ago. Don’t be the same person in ten years that you are today. Growth is proof that you’re alive. What some people do is get married and stay the same. Become a parent and stay the same. But unless you’re perfect, you should never stay the same — even your body refuses to stay the same.

So my advice: grow. Learn something different. Expose yourself to different things and different ways of thinking — especially culturally, because your own background doesn’t hold all the best ways of doing things. As African Americans, we grew up on R&B and hip-hop, and let’s be honest — a lot of that content is negative. I grew before I got married, and I definitely grew when I became a parent. These days I listen to gospel and classical music. That’s my personal choice — but the point is, I grew. Growing as a spouse, a partner, and a parent is essential. If you’re a pitcher and you only have one pitch, they’re going to figure you out. Develop more pitches.

10. Fun

Oh, this is a good one. Keep your marriage fun. Keep your relationship fun. Do different things with your spouse, do family-oriented things, and never stop dating each other — and make it fun for your children too. Don’t stress each other out. Ask yourself honestly: am I making this fun? Don’t be boring.

Here’s why it matters: whatever is fun, you’ll do over and over again — and you’ll enjoy the people you do it with. If it’s not fun, you won’t want to do it. This is something families really miss. When there’s no fun at home, spouses and children go looking for fun in other places, without their family — and that leads to serious problems in marriages and in our children’s lives. So keep it fun. Be an expert at fun. Grow in your ability to create fun.

This Is a Royal House

In this house there are laughs. Children running through the house — and most of them are not ours. Neighbors’ kids, nephews, nieces. Toys everywhere. Friends who come over frequently. Game night, movie night — and we rarely eat out, because it’s more fun cooking as a family. Encouragement is free and plentiful. We provide lots of love.

And then we add the guardrails: we worship God, we give discipline, and we challenge our children and everyone in our life. That doesn’t take away the fun — that adds to the fun and the excitement. This is a Royal House.

Come Inside — Explore the House

I believe in love, second chances, and being great parents. I’m a person of faith, but all are invited. I’m African American, but this is a place for everyone. I’m a man, but this is not the manosphere — this is a place for everyone to talk, to communicate, and to build understanding so we can find real solutions to the problems in our dating and family culture. Here’s where we go deep:

• Marriage — Real marriage advice from sixteen years of the good, the bad, and the ugly. What to do, what not to do, and how to build a marriage that lasts.
• Biblical Marriage & Family — What the Bible actually says about marriage, love, and family — taught plainly, and lived.
• Dating & Relationships — Dating from a man’s point of view: what to look for, red flags to avoid, and how to date with purpose.
• Raising Children — How to raise strong, grounded children in today’s climate — lessons from a father of a teenage son on what matters and what I missed.
• Culture & Commentary — My take on dating culture, family breakdown, narcissism, the racial divide, and the stories in the news shaping our relationships.
• My Story — The ongoing journal of one man rebuilding from a broken marriage and building a royal house on a foundation that lasts.

Get to Know Me Through My Other Projects

I love to create, and I love to include my family in everything I do. You can check out who I am through my other creative projects:

• 757BizClick — My online business journal. Entrepreneurship, side hustles, and making something happen.
• PropheticGems — Prophetic insight and biblical perspective on the times we’re living in.
• Super Life Club — Men’s health, wellness, and vitality.
• AllStarElegance — Beauty, style, and elegance.
• IcyJokes — Because a merry heart does good like a medicine. Humor and laughs.

So can we get it back? Can we rebuild what our culture has torn down? And if we can’t get the whole nation back — can we build a community that keeps it alive? That’s what this website is all about. Two are better than one. Let’s build something together.

Let’s talk about it. Welcome to Royal House Chat.